The Super Angry God

Lets see if I get this. God, according to Susanne Atanus, is angry. In fact, he is super angry. And, she says, he’s using the weather and the minds of young children and old people to show us what super angry makes him do. I didn’t know this until Susanne spilled the beans in January 2014, during an interview with the Editorial Board of the Daily Herald. I checked with my family, close friends and even a few strangers. They were just as surprised as I. Nobody said it after they recovered from a mile case of speechlessness but I couldn’t be the only one wondering, why God, who insist that we’re all his children, didn’t include us in the e-mail or the conference call or Skype or whatever he used to communicate with Susanne.

Susanne is obviously on better terms with God than me so I can understand why she’d explain his state of mind in words that won’t make people raise their eyebrows. And, I can certainly see why she wouldn’t want to get on his bad side especially since she probably didn’t tell us everything he told her.

Look, I’ve been angry. I know a lot of people who’ve been angry and I’ve seen “super angry” close up. While I’ll agree that super angry is not pretty, it doesn’t look anything like what God is doing. So I’m going to roll the dice here and tell it like it is. God is not super angry. Something else is wrong with him. Ok, so “abortions, and same-sex marriage and civil unions” is provoking him, but that’s no excuse for inflicting close to 80 feet of snow along with day after day of below zero temperature on Chicagoans. Plus, he made a fool out of me. I told young people the purpose of the severe weather was for them to experience a real Chicago winter. And a few days before Spring I find out that God deliberately turned Chicago into Siberia. That is messed up. And, it’s not like he stopped with Chicago. He’s acting out all over the place using hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and tsunamis to make towns look like they’d passed through an industrial shredder. He’s making highways slick as grease, causing children to spend the night at school, trapping people in their cars for hours, cutting off the electricity in thousands of homes, causing hundreds of flights to be cancelled and cities official to be scared they won’t get re-elected because they’ll run out of snow melting salt – all because a few women had abortions and same-sex couples want their relationship to be recognized and respected?

As an aside, In my humble opinion, Rahm and Nathan ought to be super-angry. They took a lot of heat from their constituents and the media for their handling of the storms. Being the Mayor of Chicago and the Governor of Georgia is hard enough without having to take heat for something God did. Guess we’ll have to wait and see if God begs their forgiveness.

Now I’m not interested in finding this out firsthand but I sure would like to know how God is explaining himself to the 83-year-old women who froze to death and the hundreds of other people, especially young children, who probably wouldn’t have been up there waiting for Peter or someone to open the pearly gate if God followed his own instructions and turn the other cheek. I imagine the one about “the sins of the father” isn’t go over too well with those 21st century Internet savvy kids.

And, as if destruction by weather isn’t outrageous enough, God is, according to Susanne, also using mental disorders to punish people – autism for children and dementia for adults. Susanne offered no insight into why, out of all the infants and toddlers in the world, God handpicked the 40,000 or so who’s been diagnosed. I guess this is an example of God working in mysterious ways. .

Being vindictive and being well-informed are two different things; which is probably why God doesn’t know that a large percentage of Autistic people have above average intelligence. And, that a software company is hiring people with autism spectrum disorder because of the unique way their brains work. Now, If God finds this company and duplicates Katrina, don’t blame me. If you notice, I did not say the name or the address.

Susanne didn’t say this but by now I’m use to her leaving the seasoning out of the food so to speak. One in 7 people in the United State has some form of dementia. Did God pick that person because she had an abortion or she or he drove someone to the abortion clinic or believes a woman’s reproductive decisions is none of his or her business? Did that person get picked because he or she prayed for LGBT equality or baked a cake for a same-sex couple? I think it’s unfair and ungodly for God to give people dementia without giving them a chance to present their case. Doesn’t the Bible say something about having a talk with your brother (in this case sister) if he offends you?

Now that we know Dementia is not a neurological disorder that’s related to DNA and one’s particular environment; but is punishment delivered by the hand of God for indiscretions such as officiating at your gay son’s wedding or donating even one dollar of your yearly earnings to Planned Parenthood, the 42 attempts to repeal the Affordable Care Act makes sense. Can’t your hear God screaming “If you don’t get rid of this thing, the LGBT community, all of its supporters, people who have AIDS or are HIV Positive, women who had abortions and their supporters, including members of the Courts and congress and especially that Barak Obama will have access to high quality affordable health care after I inflict them with dementia.”

And, now that we know it is God who is turning the brains of people as young as 40 into scrambled eggs, the next time a doctor is on TV explaining the 10 things you can do to stave off dementia, feel free to scream, “Shut the F#%& up.”

I certainly don’t have a clue what God might be thinking these days but here’s a possibility: When those of us who haven’t been stricken yet think about living in a facility that uses a pee and pine soil air freshener, we might get a bit nervous. But, what if you’re one of the people God really wants to make an example of and he inflicts you with too much dementia to continue to live on your own but leaves you enough sense to ask, “is that pee and pine soil?” and know that is the place you’ll call home for the rest of your life; and everyday someone will walk you to the activity room and sit you on the red donut hole that’s on top of the cushion in the orange leatherette chair; and you’ll sit there in a drug-induced depression; and eat food that’ll make even someone with dementia say, “This is why Michael Pollan wrote, In Defense of Food?”and hear snippets of the lives of people who get their two minutes of fame on court TV until someone comes and shuffles you back to your room to sleep or change your diaper, whichever comes first?

That will be enough, God might be thinking, to convert even the worse of them. I want them to stop praying for equality and become loud aggressive anti-gay disciples like Susanne and of course, my good and faithful servant The Rev. Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church. Brother Fred, didn’t just raise his arms in praise and sing the word of my favorite song, “Lead Me, Guide me, along the way for it you lead me, I cannot stray.” He showed his obedience to those words by protesting “at funerals of soldiers with signs” thanking me for dead soldiers and for 9/11 because they were examples of my punishment “for American immorality and tolerance of homosexuality and abortion.” As a Shepherd, Fred courageously lead his sheep into the lion’s den to threaten and kill, if need be, doctors and anybody else involved in any and all abortions activities and to harass families and friends who shamelessly grieve the death of homosexuals who as part of my punishment, made a “B” line to Hell.” Fred did this all for me because he knows, that I, true to my word, will bless him with treasures beyond belief just as I did Susanne Atanus who won the Republican nomination for the 9th congressional district in Chicago with 54% of the vote.

Now let me make this clear. I’m not saying God don’t have integrity; although you can see why I could think that if he did of all the things Susanne said he did. But I’m wondering if he’s going to at least mention that his good old faithful servant is in a “Rest” home. Yep! Fred is in a rest home sitting on a red donut hole in a pink chair smelling the pee and pine soil air freshener.

Frankly I think everything Super Angry God has done is an abuse of power. No different than a mayor secretly signing a 75-year contract on your behalf, a congressman using campaign fund to buy a gold-plated Rolex watch, a president lying to justify starting a war, school administrators getting bonuses because they changed test scores, an alderman taking a bribe; a governor allegedly offering employees as Ginny Pigs for a product manufactured by a more than generous campaign donor. .

So God, who by the way, created the world based on the principles of love, togetherness, partnership, balance – things like that – is according to Susanne destroying, people, place and things because “Gay marriage is not appropriate, and doesn’t look right, and it breeds AIDS.” This is just plain wrong.

What can we do? We could probably fire him. But, we can’t count on the red and blue Congress to agree on the extensive buy-out package God is sure to demand. Or, put God on the same treatment protocol that’s used for a kid who lacks empathy, is aggressive and causes or threatens harm to people, animals and property because he or she is diagnosed with conduct disorder. Or, we can stop making God into the image and likeness of us and take full responsibility for what it means for us to be created in the image and likeness of God.

3 thoughts on “The Super Angry God

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